Regrets
by TLN
Summary: Basically, another episode 99 spoiler-ending. Or musing... Let's just say that this is going to be a long wait until we finally see this promising episode!
1. Regrets

**"Regrets"**

_Alright sooo! Thanks winter, in France we somehow have issues dealing with a mere 2 inches of snow on the roads. It basically paralyzes the whole country. Pathetic? Yes. I was pissed at the idea of being stuck home and... Then I had an epiphany. I am quite excited at the prospect of episode 99 and episode 100, and come up with loads of different scenarios. This is the newest I came up with, "the" epiphany. So to speak. It's about love, regrets and all the usual BB stuff, except that here... It might actually happen. Gosh, I want it to!!_

_Disclaimer: Not mine. Although for the record, you'll remember that if it really happens in episode 99, I'll have written it BEFOOORE!! Na!!_

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She never considered herself an accomplished athlete. Yes, she was trained in different martial arts, took yoga classes and valued greatly the spiritual benefits of such activities. But she hated to run. What's the use when you can drive a car? That was her practical excuse, and she wondered why she had not listened to herself tonight. Well, that was not her fault, she could not take her car since she was already where she wanted to be, almost.

She had run up stairs, mostly.

It was probably the first time in her life she acted upon an impulse. If she had thought rationally, she would have taken the elevator, right? But it seemed the elevator would never go fast enough. She had to feel that she was getting there. She had to persuade herself that thinking, rationalizing were enemies of hers tonight, not allies. They were allies, most of the time, but not now.  
Out of breath, she did not bother to knock, as she knew he had not locked his door when she had left, a mere ten minutes before. They had talked about regrets, about life, about how you can mix these two words and wonder. She was tired to wonder. She wanted to know. She needed to know. And she would not wait. This is why she had run.

- "Booth..."

He was startled, not to say confused. He had put on his pajamas, she noticed. She realized she was lucky his gun was still in his bedroom, otherwise her little intrusion would have led her straight to the hospital.

- "Bones, what's wrong?"

Stop, thinking. She ordered herself. You just need to let the words flow. Say it! Talk!

- "Do you love me?"

Great. Her attempt at regaining control not only of herself but of her self-esteem had transformed into some sort of inquisitive, dominatrix rambling, right out of a Dostoyevsky novel. It was too late to take it back though. He had heard, apparently. She cursed herself for thinking such nonsense; of course he would hear, he was merely 6 feet away from her. Yes, rationalization was her enemy tonight, but she could at least keep herself from acting like an imbecile.

- "I...Wh..."

And now he was not even able to formulate an intelligible sentence. Great, again. So what? Was she going to resume thinking? Weighting pros and cons? Wondering? Having regrets? She was determined not to. So what kind of choice did it leave? She was getting scared, she could feel it. His nervousness was beginning to infect her and if she thought, if she processed it, she would run right back where she came from. No. Not an option. She was not an accomplished athlete. But she was accomplished author. Talking was her thing. Well.. supposed to be.

- "I... just... I just kept wondering why regrets are so... Your grandfather told me not to have regrets and then this case just... You are Andy Lister, okay? I suppose I projected fantasies into the safety of a fictive universe that I could... control. When... When you were in that coma... I wrote us the life that I would have wanted to have with you. I wanted it and I was... I'm just... Do you love me? Because I think I love you, and I don't want to..."

Well, not bad. Stuttering aside. If he was not dangerously approaching she would enjoy her newly discovered talent at speaking her mind freely. She had never done that before. Nor had she dealt with the physical proximity of Booth in such a context. What was he doing? And why could he not just answer?

- "Booth, what are you doing?"

She recognized his smile, although it seemed different, more intense, more intimate. She shivered. It felt strange, but somehow exhilarating. As much as her race towards his place, his gaze left her out of breath.

- "You want to know if I love you?"

- "Yes"

Remembering that evening at the Museum when they had been so close, surrounded by the remains of Egyptian Royalty, she instinctively leaned closer. She had succeeded in shutting off all thoughts. For now. And she hoped it would last.

- "I love you."

He loved her. It seemed simple. Three little words and she knew.

- "You love me?"

- "Yes. You want me to prove it to you?"

Usually she hated to be taken aback, but right then it did not matter. It did not matter that there could be no such thing as "proving" emotions. Emotions were undependable, subjective, impalpable. Or so she thought before this instant. She just wanted him to prove it. The incredible sensation his touch brought forth was already an indication that he was right. He could prove it. He would... If she just let him close the distance between them and graze her lips with his own.

- "For the sake of scientific inquiry, prove it, if you can."

She knew he would. He would never leave her with regrets.

**  
The End.**


	2. Cold Fish

**"Cold Fish"**

**Gosh, I thought I wouldn't update it but it turns out I read the sides for episode 100 and... read a tweet that made my mind wander. I won't spoil you guys, but well, you'll know when you read the fic anyway, so, let's just say it. Stephen Nathan basically implied that there could be a kiss in episode 100. Episode during which we are sent 6 years back in time, when BB met and literally hated each other. Booth actually calls Bones a "cold fish" during what appears to be their first collaboration. The whole of this one-shot, sequel of "Regrets", is centered upon this "cold-fish" theme. You'll see...**

**Disclaimer: Spoilers and speculations. Not mine. At all. Mind wandering? Mine. All mine.**

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It was simple, comfortable. She liked how it felt. She had always felt this way with him. Well... as far as she remembered, although she had been reminded a few hours before that it had not always been that simple and comfortable between them. Why couldn't she remember? For her, he had always been this strong, reassuring presence in her life. Nothing else. She did not remember the annoyance, the irritation and the lack for comprehension that had made her despise him for so long. She did not remember why she felt insulted when he called her "Bones", or when he would not let her drive his car. Today she felt enveloped in the warmth of his affection. And it felt as though it had always been that way. It felt as though her life had begun with him. She, who prided herself in the infallibility of her memory, could not be sure that he had not been there during her whole existence. There was simply no "Before Booth", for her.

- "Hey, you're okay Bones?"

She smiled, more to reassure herself than to reassure him. Yes, she was okay, theoretically. But she hated how her memory failed her, she could not accept her own failure and how the softness of her emotions had washed over years of practicality. No. She could not do that. She could not ruin this moment. It had to remain simple, comfortable. She had willingly traded her faith in the infallibility of her own intelligence, for something she now considered to be as infallible. Those arms circling her waist, this hand caressing her hair, those lips against her temple. It was tangible, it felt like home. It was simple. She did not want to exchange it, to give it back and receive in return, the reward of a forgotten past. Only now mattered. This moment. Yet...

- "I was wondering... Do you still think I'm a cold fish?"

She had evolved humanly, if this was how she should define they way this man had slowly settled himself in her life and made her more receptive to the whole concept of "society" on more than a theoretical level. But her internal struggles between what she knew to be true and what she would feel sometimes had not ceased, as she had proved just then. Why was he smiling then? She suddenly wished her evolution was more advanced, so that she could tell from a smile if she would get a satisfactory answer or a polite lie. More than a failing memory, she hated being clueless.

- "I didn't know you then. I didn't know anything."

She frowned. That looked like a much too evasive answer for her to accept without pushing for more. It seemed he knew, as he did not give her enough time to formulate another question.

- "It's been 6 years. Now, it seems it's been a lifetime. I can't remember why I said that, and I can only apologize for saying it. You know... Telling Sweets about all this, I felt strange... You see what I mean? Like... Like it wasn't you and me."

She fought the need to tell him that it _was_ them and that years had no influence on their identity but how could she even say that when she felt exactly the same? It was comforting actually, to see that her feelings were reciprocated. So, she just let him speak. It was nice, for once, to listen.

- "I know what you're gonna say, Bones, we're still the same persons but... I know I evolved with you. I'm grateful because you enriched my life, everyday. And remembering that once you weren't part of it... It scared me. I can't remember. It seems you were always there, with me."

He paused, observing her. For the first time she realized she knew what he was trying to do. He was trying to understand why she did not object each time he contradicted her instinctive "mania of logic", as he had called it once. She suppressed a laugh.

- "What, Booth? I'm listening."

He frowned. Yep, it seemed her ability at reading him -if not people in general- was improving. Was it because she had chosen to let go of some of her certainties? She did not dare to draw that conclusion just yet. But it felt like there was a correlation. She would process that later.

- "Not contradicting my time-line? Wow. Okay, well... What was I saying? Yeah. I felt strange and uncomfortable. I realized that I would not be able to live without you anymore. I wouldn't know how to. It wouldn't feel right."

Whatever the outcome of this declaration, she welcomed the warm feeling of security it gave her. It was nothing but words, another promise to be broken, but she believed him. As tangible as those arms, that hand, those lips. She smiled.

- "It wouldn't feel right for me either, if you weren't in my life anymore."

She liked his kisses. This was new to her, each time a discovery. The scientist in her enjoyed the constant renewal of a thrill she wished she could understand. It was chemical, yes, she was responsive to his physical attributes, yes, but... there was more. A rebellious sensation, not resulting only from his touch, his scent, but from his presence. This fraction of a second before there lips met, when he would look at her with an intense, impenetrable gaze. Right then, she felt like she belonged to him. Logic was irrelevant.

- "Booth..."

- "Mmh..."

She hated the idea to interrupt their activity, as it promised to be even more pleasing with each passing minute. But against her better judgment, she could not suppress her need to see her question answered. Temperance Brennan and her everlasting thirst for answers.

- "You didn't tell me. You still think I'm a cold fish?"

His thumb traced the outline of her face, as an amused smile played upon his lips.

- "I think you're Iceland. Cold to the touch, but underneath, you're all volcano."

- "Well, technically volcanoes are openings in the earth's crust and are not... Alright. This was a metaphoric portrayal of my allegedly conflictual personalities. You really think I'm cold to the touch?"

She waited for him to answer, but he did not. Instead, he buried his face in her hair, slowly. Was he trying to prove something? Her experience in that matter told her that whatever he would try to prove, he could prove. His breath on her neck, the sweet moisture of his kisses... She closed her eyes, waiting for him to reach a conclusion. Realizing soon that he was the one waiting for her to reach a conclusion.

- "Booth... That was another metaphor, right? It aimed to categorize my scientific rationalism? Not the actual temperature of my body?"

She felt him smile against her skin. No more questions, only answers. The warmth of his body enveloping once more her fragile soul with this mesmerizing force she wished she could never explain.

**The End**


End file.
